Art or something like it
Although I work in a highly technical field, I do get a lot of opportunities for creativity in my job. However, I am consistently toning it down, paring back my words and trying to keep it as succinct as possible in my daily work.
Growing up, I was encouraged to be artistic, but I was also extremely shy and fairly insecure. I thought outside the box, but was always afraid to show it off. It took me years (and years and years) to overcome this, and I still struggle with it at times. I also am self-deprecating and seem to want to tear myself down before others can. I think it's a self-preservation tool; if I can tell you I suck before you can tell me I suck, then I win. I want you to know, before you tell me, that I can do better. I imagine this is an annoying trait.
Anyways, one thing that I do know that I'm good at is my music. I don't do it enough, but I do still play. I also know that I'm a pretty decent writer. Once again, I don't do it enough, but I still do it. I also did not know until I was somewhere in my 30s that my singing voice was pretty good. Not great, and I still don't always know when I'm flat, but I had it in my head most of my life that I couldn't sing, that it wasn't my thing. I don't think that was it at all, it's just that I was super shy and felt that singing meant that all eyes (and ears) were on you. I don't know why I didn't think that being a musician was that, but I just didn't want to try to sing in public.
As for "art", I really didn't think I could do it. I never tried. I have an eye for it, I think. I know what I like, and what is appealing to me. I understand that the appreciation of art is different for everyone. I just didn't think I was that creative. I didn't think I could draw. I didn't think I could paint. I didn't even try. I had a friend (my best friend growing up) who was extremely talented, and I think that I thought if I couldn't do "that", I couldn't be an artist.
I took art for one semester in high school. I got a decent grade, but that's because I turned in my work. Because art is subjective, there really isn't a way for the teacher to grade you on your talent, but rather that you turned in your work and did what was required for the class. I think this is what I told myself, at least, but I also think it's true. What I'm certain of now, is that I probably did have some sort of talent, and at least an eye for what I think art is.
Anyways, there is one thing about me that conflicts with artistry - I am impatient. I don't want to take the time to learn techniques, and to fail and then do it right the second time. I get frustrated when what was in my head didn't turn out the way I wanted, and then I think I don't have the time to re-do it to make it right. I just want it to be right, but it's not. I spend a lot of time looking at examples, and thinking "Yes, that's what I want to do", but then not taking the time to learn how to do it.
So, in the end I spend my entire weekend thinking I am making art, but then when it's done I feel like I should get a kindergarten graduation certificate. One thing I am learning is that it isn't done, and won't be done for quite some time. I think most of these have more work left in them, but I am learning. I hope that in time I will look back at these and feel like I am light years ahead of where I am today, but I'm enjoying myself. More importantly, I am starting to feel like I have a little bit of talent in an area I thought was off-limits to myself.
The process of going through the magazines and the books, and even choosing the magazines and the books, is very calming to me. I like looking for specific colors, stories in magazines that say what I want (even if you can't see the story in the final work), colors, images, and pieces of a larger picture. I am starting to experiment with paint and different textures, and find the cutting to be really relaxing. I am enjoying this and while I think I am a long way from calling myself an artist, I love the fact that it lets me be alone with my thoughts for the better part of a day.
Growing up, I was encouraged to be artistic, but I was also extremely shy and fairly insecure. I thought outside the box, but was always afraid to show it off. It took me years (and years and years) to overcome this, and I still struggle with it at times. I also am self-deprecating and seem to want to tear myself down before others can. I think it's a self-preservation tool; if I can tell you I suck before you can tell me I suck, then I win. I want you to know, before you tell me, that I can do better. I imagine this is an annoying trait.
Anyways, one thing that I do know that I'm good at is my music. I don't do it enough, but I do still play. I also know that I'm a pretty decent writer. Once again, I don't do it enough, but I still do it. I also did not know until I was somewhere in my 30s that my singing voice was pretty good. Not great, and I still don't always know when I'm flat, but I had it in my head most of my life that I couldn't sing, that it wasn't my thing. I don't think that was it at all, it's just that I was super shy and felt that singing meant that all eyes (and ears) were on you. I don't know why I didn't think that being a musician was that, but I just didn't want to try to sing in public.
As for "art", I really didn't think I could do it. I never tried. I have an eye for it, I think. I know what I like, and what is appealing to me. I understand that the appreciation of art is different for everyone. I just didn't think I was that creative. I didn't think I could draw. I didn't think I could paint. I didn't even try. I had a friend (my best friend growing up) who was extremely talented, and I think that I thought if I couldn't do "that", I couldn't be an artist.
I took art for one semester in high school. I got a decent grade, but that's because I turned in my work. Because art is subjective, there really isn't a way for the teacher to grade you on your talent, but rather that you turned in your work and did what was required for the class. I think this is what I told myself, at least, but I also think it's true. What I'm certain of now, is that I probably did have some sort of talent, and at least an eye for what I think art is.
Anyways, there is one thing about me that conflicts with artistry - I am impatient. I don't want to take the time to learn techniques, and to fail and then do it right the second time. I get frustrated when what was in my head didn't turn out the way I wanted, and then I think I don't have the time to re-do it to make it right. I just want it to be right, but it's not. I spend a lot of time looking at examples, and thinking "Yes, that's what I want to do", but then not taking the time to learn how to do it.
So, in the end I spend my entire weekend thinking I am making art, but then when it's done I feel like I should get a kindergarten graduation certificate. One thing I am learning is that it isn't done, and won't be done for quite some time. I think most of these have more work left in them, but I am learning. I hope that in time I will look back at these and feel like I am light years ahead of where I am today, but I'm enjoying myself. More importantly, I am starting to feel like I have a little bit of talent in an area I thought was off-limits to myself.
The process of going through the magazines and the books, and even choosing the magazines and the books, is very calming to me. I like looking for specific colors, stories in magazines that say what I want (even if you can't see the story in the final work), colors, images, and pieces of a larger picture. I am starting to experiment with paint and different textures, and find the cutting to be really relaxing. I am enjoying this and while I think I am a long way from calling myself an artist, I love the fact that it lets me be alone with my thoughts for the better part of a day.
I made this bird for my sister for Christmas. I glued the fabric down before I made sure I had it placed on the canvas correctly. I made my husband go get me a twig from the back yard for his perch, and then I yanked off a piece of the tree to make his leaves. I'm fairly certain the tree part is going to fall of this piece within the next week or so. I do like the lights behind it.
I like this bird, and my daughter really liked it.
This one was interesting because I used a black background for it, which made some really interesting shadow work. I think there is more to be done, but I really like the shading.
This is one of the first ones I did. I really like the image at the bottom, but I have no idea what it has to do with the two women. There is still work to do here.
This one was one a white canvas background. Not really a story, but it's just going to be some art for my laundry room.
I think there is a little bit of a theme on this one. Also art for my laundry room.
This one still has some work. The sail boat does not look at all like I envisioned it when I started. This one is far from done.
I actually really like this one, but I think the birds need more depth. There is a lot more work required in this one, perhaps a song.
There's a sewing machine hidden in here somewhere.
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